Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Holy shit dude........stairs
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
