google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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