Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Randomize
