guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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