I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
