When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Randomize
