dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Randomize