in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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