You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
