omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
