Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
