Plan B is the new Plan A
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
you would pick up someone in the library
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
In other news, I just burned my penis
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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