I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
