I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize