I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
