There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
