He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
