So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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