We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
