I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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