dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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