from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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