You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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