my soul wont recognize me after tonight
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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