Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
