Me. At least after what I've been through.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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