I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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