hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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