i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
