You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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