They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
So many bounce houses so little time
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize