Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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