Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
