Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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