apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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