I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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