I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
