You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
