Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I can't put those talents on a resume
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
