I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
