Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
