I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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