Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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