I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
birth control should be required to get into college
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
