I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
id be glad to
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
