So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
