She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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