im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
