dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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