I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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