So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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