I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
