is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
