My nipple is on Facebook.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
