dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
