Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
