Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
