the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
