It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
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