Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
