you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize