i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The struggles of a small town man whore
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
