i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I need to align my fucking chakras
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
