Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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