I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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