I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
