Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize