Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
