so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
