Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
