we have officially lost it.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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