his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize