I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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