shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize