Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
