i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
