using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
