At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
