Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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