There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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