apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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