just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
