maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
