Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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