My Higher Power is John Stamos
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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