Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
