i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
