this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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