And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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