omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
