So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
