If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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