there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
