It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize