where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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