She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
