In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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