You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
