i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
